Gather Ye Rosebuds... By Robert Herrick

Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old Time is still a-flying: And this same flower that smiles today
To-morrow will be dying.
.
The glorious lamp of Heaven, the sun,
The higher he's a-getting,
The sooner will his race be run.
And nearer he's to setting.
.
That age is best which is the first,
When youth and blood are warmer;
But being spent, the worse, and worst
Times still succeed the former.
.
Then be not coy, but use your time,
And while ye may, go marry:
For having lost but once your prime,
You may for ever tarry.

Carnival of SmartAsses

It’s the Carnival of Smartasses!! Come on champions; bless us with the Pristine Suits, Terse Words and Sophisticated Countenance. They live for it and we die with it. So people sit back on your seats and appreciate the plethora of emotion-dances and sentiment-exhibitions on the stage. Because they would perform for you till their last breath just for being patronized. They were just like you, you meek gullible little ones. But they have brushed past you and now, they don’t even remember your faces!! They are simply too good for you.

Here is when some questions come to my mind. Are they the protagonist of the play that is life or the director? Are they the showstoppers or the show coordinators? Are the dramatics important or their inside self?  Someone told me few days back that if you want to live happily ever after, learn to frame your image on others’ mind of what you want yourself to be seen. It hardly matters who you are but it about what others perceive you to be. I have never been in such a crooked world before, you see. Is this all real? DO all live their lives like this? Dunno. But the real question is not this. The real question is… How to deal with this bizarre world?

We are hypocrites of the extreme nature. And sadists. Humans have the unfathomable quest to prove that he/she is better than the other. It’s all about reputation, rank, hierarchy, recognition, fame, money and self-proclamation. It’s a mad race and the one who can reach the top by hook or by crook and cloaks the wrongdoings and incompetence by artistry of words and magician’s deception. Where is the simple world of accepting mistakes, learning from them and talking to your conscience? All these seem utter bullshit. Life isn’t one of those Chetan Bhagat’s books and it doesn’t give you a second chance. It’s a world where if you can’t get things done by being smart, you are very well allowed to play dumb.

If you are living in real world, you don’t just live one life. You live multiple lives each with their own assumptions, accomplices, emotions and fallacies. The trick in the tale is how quick and apt is the way in which you can shift between your lives in the complexion that you deem fit. It’s like the firewall stages of your network security and giving right access to the right levels of your soul. On the core of your soul is the place where after all, these lives merges into one and this is the place where ice melts, where birds chirp to drink the elixir and there is music in the air which only you can decipher and tells a tale very different from what it looks like. That world is yours. Very own.

So live your life!!! And leave me the way I am. With the people I am with near my soul. And with my mistakes and stubbornness. I will find my own path of glory someday.

The call of the beloved

Love is…
Love is feeling cold in the back of vans
Love is a fan club with only two fans
Love is walking holding paint stained hands
Love is.
Love is fish and chips on winter nights
Love is blankets full of strange delights
Love is when you don’t put out the light
Love is
Love is the presents in Christmas shops
Love is when you’re feeling Top of the Pops
Love is what happens when the music stops
Love is
Love is white panties lying all forlorn
Love is pink nightdresses still slightly warm
Love is when you have to leave at dawn
Love is
Love is you and love is me
Love is prison and love is free
Love’s what’s there when you are away from me
Love is…

These few lines from Adrian Henry are the closest i have come across that elucidates the worldly emotions of love in words. I am neither such skilled a writer nor the keenest of observers of the plethora of human emotions that can bring me even close to illustrate my depth of love for you. I may not be good at saying romantic words but I do love you. They say that street of destiny is full of pebbles, and climax and anti climax of all the sorts lie ahead of us and things are bound to take turns for good or bad... But all i damn care is that all the roads lead me to you and you are with me clutching my hand tight never letting go.

As i think at all the things that we have gone through, I see a pattern and a purpose for a single ending. Our sisters' fiasco, our first conversation in the bus, your "ragging" after the branch change, my yearning, your break up, our simultaneous career-happy moments, our tough times during the sudden leap of fortune, our fighting spirits and the weird feeling of secret achievement now....all seems a pattern to me. And don't mistake it, It was in this particular order. I know that it hurt you so much to face people and convince them the honesty in particularly two things in this order, but today i can very well ask you to just let go. People can think what they like and there is no point proving anything to anybody because the more you try, the more they would suspect... And frankly, if all you care is me, give these thoughts a rest and try to start over and try making the world happy. And beyond a point, you can't help a diseased soul.

Ok sorry i got dragged away. Each day that we share this bond of trust, I feel more strong and confident about us. I may be weird in my own way and be stupid at times. But i only behave this way just because i feel desperate to prove that i am worth all your love and care. And this pushes me to do things i could never have imagined before. Among all these weird people around me here, I feel like my own when i talk to you.You give me a reason to smile on the worst of days and a reason to blush on the most uneventful of days. Sometimes i wonder that i have got things so easily that it almost feels like a dream. I don't care if it's a dream. Just hope no one wakes me up anymore.

It's crazy ride we have had isn't it? It has been a free flowing rivulet...with small hiccups all right. But what lies ahead are the true testing times. You remember the "challenge" right? We got to meet up to that and i can promise you that i will never tire of seeing you smile. Lots of hugs. Love you forever.  I cant believe that i am saying this... but finally...yes finally ... I believe in LOVE!! Don't ever make me want to delete this post. Keep smiling.

farewell...

imagine an animated world moving slowly around you and you are stranded feeling numb while the storm of change beckons you to move ahead. you are brushed by a shoulder and you turn around to see no faces looking back at you. you wonder whether you did actually brush any shoulder or not. fingerprints dont fade from the lives we touch. all you fear is that in the costemic world that we live in, is there a feeble chance of people faking the fingerprints? as you take a pause from your busy lives, you realise that afterall, these brush of shoulders and touch of hearts is what makes life memorable and pleasant, no matter how short these special moments are or how it is going to turn out in future!

few months from now, it would hardly matter how we ended up being there or what we believed about that place before. because we would be so immersed into our lives that asking if one is asleep or not, worrying if one has taken her medicine, caring if one had a ugly day with his boss, or assuring that you would never give up on your special one, would be if not anything else, difficult. hence, it would be a test of the highest degree which would eventually determine how good friends you are. when the juniors asked me about farewell, my initial reaction was "no way am i going!!!" i strongly believe that for those you care for, there isn't gonna come that single day when u say, "tadaa bubbyee...see ya!! adios..." and for those you don't, the very least that you can do is not fake your wishes and good gestures. and so, you see why i don't see the point in a farewell party. but due to my sweet juniors and my mocking di, i made up my mind, very reluctantly though, to make a short visit and come back. but as it turns out, i am a fucking emotional prick!! i ended up doing all the wrong things and feel bad later on. hehe...

when me and my friend arrived at the party, it was already late and i felt meek seeing all the lavish dreases and elegant makeovers. but then i thought, who is here to praise my dress or look special for. it was a day of love birds dancing in the love-makes-happy-ending tunes. it was good to see the happy faces, although i wondered if i would ever be gutsy enough to dance with a girl on stage. with my receding hairline and disbelief in the notion of love, i might probably give you the good news in the next lifetime. at one point of time, i felt it was very absurd. no1 seemed to remember the huge fight which caused cracks all over the place few months back. people were all smiling while asking sweet questions to the one they had a day of phillipics with that day. is it really true that time heals all wounds? when called upon to the stage with the dearest of my friends, me and my friend ended up fighting not to dance together and falling short of words for each other. after some wild dance steps, we called the day off. the juniors had asked us to write something for each other on a piece of paper, and as always i ended with abruptly terse and insufficient one liners and wished i cut everything i wrote and write something more sensible.

frankly, i didn't care about this day after a very special day yesterday when me and some of my special friends spent a long-wished-for hangout roaming, eating and watching a movie. Anyways, THANK YOU ALL very much for everything!!!

Heckler's Veto

The recent stretch of events is beckoning the society towards a grim road of intorelence and vandalistic approach towards disagreement. Various incidents come to my mind when i consider the violent response to a piece of art, speech or expression. Salman Rushdie being debarred to attend a video conference at the Jaipur Fim Festival, Taslima Nasreen's books being banned, M F Hussain being sent virtually to exile or Kashmiri filmmakers condemned for making films of Human Right violations of Indian Army in the ever sensitive region of Kashmir, all signal towards a sad reality of today- Heckler's Veto.

I came accross this word in a national daily few days back and it intrigued me to the core. A heckler is a one who disapproves of an idea hypocritically and while he cannot back it up with proper logic, he thrusts his views on others with violence. While change and protests are an integral component of a democratic society, we can't afford to get it done at the barrel of the gun! Personalities like M F Hussain, Taslima Nasreen or Salman Rushdie have a intellectual or artistic career spanned over atleast 20-25 years and a single piece of their work may be offending. One may oppose a single work of these artists but can we ban the artist himself/herself? Few regional polarising powers are at work and it seems there is oppurtunistic politics at its blatent best. 

The sad part of the whole episode is that the organizers and the state governments lack the spine and fail to provide safety and safeguard constitutional rights. We need to be a community which is so confident that a single person cannot change the whole dynamics of our belief system. The Supreme Court sits at the helm of things and the people who oppose an idea or a creations can always take the legal course of action.

I fear a world where many potential M F Hussains would think twice before brings their imaginations to colours or potential Salman Rushdies refrain from writting something with the fear that people may threaten his life. In the words of Voltaire, " I sometimes hate what you write, but i will give to my death the right you have to write."

Confessions of the callous mind

I have seen guys taking a look at a picture of IIM Ahmedabad, Bangalore and Calcutta before going into the laps of sleep angels. I have seen guys arguing about the fact that the fastest way to earn big bucks is to be an entrepreneur or get into the corporate scheme of things. I have seen guys walking with naked feet on the chilling floors of the corridors for preparing for the gateway to these Ivy League B-schools- the CAT. And primarily for these reasons it has become an upheaval task for the renowned professors and counselors to select the appropriate candidates for these colleges because simply, there are absolutely so many worth it. So, the inclusion of the class 10 and 12 in the selection criteria is not a surprise. But as I see, there are some gaping lacunae in the system.

The CAT exam is structured in such a fashion that it is the measure of the quantitative and logical ability of a student. In other words, it determines how much a student is appropriate to be an entrepreneur. On the other hand, a class 10 or class 12 score is a measure of the hard working and to some extent mugging ability of a student. I don’t mean to denigrate the importance of hard work but are we ready to accept to the fact that firstly, we can compromise the entrepreneurial abilities for that and secondly, that IIMs don’t believe in “living in present” and “a change is possible” anecdotes anymore? The IIMs seem to say,” You might be fat-glassed nerds with no leadership qualities. You must be able to work your asses off for all we care. We have got experts in this field and we can make you an entrepreneur and a leader in 2 years!!” There are students who are destined “not to think big” just because they had a 63 in Hindi in the 10^th or a 67 in Physics (or any subject which has nothing to do with judging entrepreneurial abilities) in the 12^th or unfortunately fell sick during the crucial times. It seems they would have to atone for the “mistake” that they committed 7-8 years back. I mean, there are people who didn’t even think about doing an MBA when they are 16! The real question is, what is the IIMs going to do when grading system is implemented at both 10^th and 12^th levels as Mr. Kapil Sibal is so eager to do? How would they distinguish between a huge pool (and by huge, I mean HUGE!!) of Os? I guess their kindergarten scores would determine if he is apt for an IIM or not! Moreover, there is also the whole uproar about the whole normalization process which is anything but transparent.

There are certain argument that there is very low correlation between CAT scores and actual academic performance inside b-school and some b-schools have gone a step ahead and performed informal studies to find that there is high correlation between one’s past academic scores and b-school GPA but my simple question is this – To take to cycle of events forward, does the placements in the corporate world and the ratio of students being independent entrepreneurs have any “correlation” with the student’s GPA? Once you are inside a company does the boss care whether you are from the IIM or a college like MDI or NITIE? All he is concerned is whether his job gets done!! I once talked to a NITIE alumnus and he had a very interesting thing to say. He said, “You can’t really blame these institutions because even the top notch corporates want to show a heavy intellectual workforce to the market with students from IITs and IIMs. Being from a college like NITIE or XIMB or MDI there is just an year gap when u need to compensate for your profile with hard work and deep aspiration. At the end of the day, you just need to believe that these institutions didn’t recognize a talent, and move on. Nothing is the end of the world.” So true. If all your work is geared towards securing yourself against failure and embarrassments, why live at all? If you can’t change your fate, change your attitude.

A simple solution could have been this - The IIMs should first conduct the CAT and then allow all above 97 percentile or say 95 percentile to send their resume. A panel of experts should scan the applications based on the overall profile (extracurricular activities, positions of responsibility, scholarships, etc.) and not just some board or graduation marks. Okay, hardly matters what I think…hehe. In the word of Susan Sontag, “I haven’t been everywhere, but it’s on my list.”(Few IIMs are out of my list though…lol)

We Are In His Hands In Anger And In Peace

If we come to (a state of) ignorance, that is His prison. And if
we come to (a state of) knowledge, that is His (lofty) balcony.

If we come to (a state of) sleep, we are His drowsy-drunken ones.
And if we come to (a state of) wakeful alertness, we are in His
Hands.

If we come to (a state of) weeping, we are His cloud full of
glistening (raindrops). And if we come to (a state of) laughing,
we are His lightning in that moment.

If we come to (a state of) anger and battle, it is the reflection
of His Wrath. And if we come to (a state of) peace and pardon, it
is the reflection of His Love.

Who are we in this complicated world?

--From "The Mathnawî-yé Ma`nawî" [Rhymed Couplets of Deep Spiritual Meaning] of Jalaluddin Rumi.

from a 9.er to a 7.er

people giggle and fidget when the result is out. and if you happen to have an internet connection in your room its adda place. its da place to be for some, and not to be for some. its wierd, lukin at ppl's emotions. you may hav come accross da distinction of emotional outburst before- some ecstatic and some dullfaced. der r dose who punch deir fist in the air, ecstatic and den dere r dose who behave as if de hadn even given da xam and still hav scored a 9.00. n lastly dere r dose who r indifferent. "m***** kati deichi taku", "bput ma arse", "back nai lagaa hai toh? chalo phir kool hai", "uska kitna aaya?....aur uska?...aur uska?...aur uska?..." and " abe kaunsa sem tha apan ka?" r some anecdotes u shudn b surprizd hearing. if u hav a gud score u might b asked, " abe saaley tera saara ppr mein bak lagne wala tha naa? dhoka de diya?", if u hv a ok kinda score u might b asked, " saaley bina padhke itna le aata hai. aur hum hain ki padh padh ke bi g*** maraa rahe hain!!!" and if u hav a worthless score u might...no dis tym its "Wud b" asked," arre koi nai yaar. ye bput ppr correcn bhi nahhi karta hai. warna 'widheld' kahan dikhta hai. der r more important things in lyf. chill out!!"

i wud lyk 2 believ dat m a mark zuckerberg blogging while being drunk( water wud do?) n dreamin a whole new world. dis tym my gpa s a fucked up 7.75 wid few as n bs n cs and a d. n da sad part is as i sit down tryna rem'ber da chapters of da subject in wich i got a 'd', i fail to rem'ber nethng. absolutely nothing!! n i wudn go for rechekin cuz i fear it may change from a 'd' to a 'f'. hehe...n ders hardly nething to repent. da onle thing i hate abt being a 7 .er apart from the moment wen mom reminds me of dose gud old 9. des s da fact dat some ppl think not being a 7.er gives dem da ryt to come n sympathize a 7.er. "oh lolly polly don wrry. its all gonna b alryt!!" b******* u speakin all dese shit wud make a 7 .er feel bad even if he wasn b4. so puleez....do i care? ofcrs i do! but am i hurt n sik? a big NO!!! wat shud i b feel bad abt? hav i lost a hand, or a leg, or even a friend? trust me, ders lot important things to live for. BELIEF!!! i neva workd for dese sems neways.

here congratulating all dose 8 .ers n 9 .ers n if m obliged, 10.ers!!! jus if i m lucky enuf, no1 now wud come up n say, " soman, tensn mat le. tu to mba karega. isse farak nai padega!!" if dat doesn happen m jus abt fyn! as de say, silence s a elixir, a panacea.

Wake up...

Free from the cobwebs of melancholic life
Dreaming my days in prairie and nights in prom,
I woke up rejuvinated one fine morning
Feeling how big and beautiful life is.
It was then that i realized,
My hands had shot up as if a nemesis
And it's time to leave my dishevelled bed!

Shadows drown our empty hearts
As love is fading in the darkest corners.
All that we are, we aren't saying
And, all the things we care ends in 'me'.
Humming the old tunes of misery and hapless genre,
We seek solace and sympathy.
Tearing our clothes apart and honking on the roof
We condemn Past and justify Redemption.
But...
What about NOW?
What about this very moment of truth?
Is there nothing you can do,
To change?
To craft destiny?
To damn the wisdom in you and do the new?
To love?
Just for once, now....

Come again, did you tell me the story?
The story of the unknown, the ideal, the impossible?
Can't we live our stories right here today?
See, the rains pour over your souls,
As you are washed away of your deepest secrets,
And your're drenched in the wettest of ascetism.
So, just clutch those fingers
And let go of all your egoism
For the joyride of Resuscitation, Realization and Rejuvination.
Just go and paint the towns in your colours!

So wake me up when spring comes...
When the heart is back in place,
When logic is drowned in the rivulet of emotions,
When everything we do is not for a reason,
When it wouldn't take a trumpet
To stir us from our places,
And when all this doesn't seem an obnoxious nonsense!

one day...

there is just so many things around to write. the ubiquitous presence of someone invisible, the hearty feelings, the warm effervensence of the perfume, the longing feeling of love-in-making....love has always been around. my reflection follow me, just me and my shadow. life is a short, messy thing and noone comes out alive. everyone drowns in the yearning feeling of love and till the day the belief wets you, you are very much alive. people lose and cry for the things they have lost and wisdom and you part ways for the darkish dawn. but trust me, one day will come...one day will come....

one day we will throw the umbrella and dance in the rain till we are drenched in friendship. one day we will meet in the spring of fortune and fate, one day we will fulfill all our desires to usher love. one day there would be a reason to sing again and then call out your name just for the fun of it. one day i will not sleep looking at your beautiful eyes fidgeting in the unknown dreams. one day you will realize that afterall the end of the world lies in your friends and you will repent for what you have done. those memories will make you yearn for more and the symphony of heart will fall in tune with realities of life. you will not believe how beautiful life is and all you have done is tie and untie the thin threads of realtionship. i sometimes wish life was like photoshop where i can cut, copy, paste, edit and color every single flashes of memories as i wish. the unpresidented forces of a divided world would always haunt us but am i the only one to feel that the series of events is brazenly wrong? some ugly spirits, some misunderstandings, soem ego and some stubbornness is all it takes...

a million shrouds or an invisibility cloak will take you nowhere other than an illusionary world where you feel noone can see you the way you are...naked shadows will reveal the brightness and darkness in you! love or hate it, everybody will see the jewel in you. so just forget about the shrouds and cloaks n remember noone s so great as to be able to spoil your mood. close your eyes, see the flash of light far ahead and try to imagine how many miles you have got to go to reach there. under the velvet sky are some special hands just for you and all almighty wants is for you to stretch your hand to those and never let go. cuz it takes just a moment for those hands to disappear in the dim light and you will be alone again. we choose our destiny.

when the lights go fading i am here for you. when there is no1 you can fall back upon i am here for you. when life looks an ugly mess and you feel the things in the vicinity fights you i am here for you. when the yells and fingers faze your spirit i am here for you. i am here for you...

sands of time slips...

u must have very well heard about the phrase and maybe also shrugged at the ugly prospects of it, but one thing you just can't do is testify its denial. its one of those hideous truths we prefer to close our eyes to. times change, auras change, perspectives change, and with it you change. the only question remains is, whether its for yr likeness or for real!!! you must have seen two kids strolling aimlessly hand in hand in a park. haven't you ever imagined you being one of them? hasn't the feeling of envy soaked you wet? haven't you ever felt loads of love inside waiting to be ushered on someone special, sharing ice creams, talking something as irrelevant as a candy not been given just for some extra nap time, abusing mommy for that and wishing for a more lenient one. the same two kids grow big and before they realize, those "losers" start calling them grown-ups, and then there are those "wannabes" who say they are cooler and hotter than them!!! like a black out, the kids are found dumb-struck to the yelling noises of the vicinity and gives in to the excruciating demands of "reality"!!! in a nutshell, this is a small anecdote of "slipping time".

okay. here goes. young innovative minds deserving much more than a stupid little college not even worth deir shit, are beckoned to realize the ugly truth of life. while having dreams of a premier institute like the IITs and the NITs and the likes of BITS and VELLOREs every night, they face the ugly reality the next morning. but sure, that never stopped them from dreaming; now for a better future. not sure about how to project oneself, making hell of a gaucherie of personality, and honing the goody-goody avatar, they try living a new-found existance. they are brave, care-a-damn and most significantly genuine kinda person. they are friendly[or, pretentiously so], lively and sensitive to the emotions of others. but there is something that goes on within which they have no clue of; a enigmatic network of feelings going on, which makes few so true friends that they make each other soulmates and few moment living in their world of non-chalance. every feeling has its reasons and eventualities.

well like all good times, these come to an end. they are filled with wisdom, knowledge and experience, and then, they feel, afterall they deserve to be better dressed, better projected, more acknowledged and respected "for what i am". i can still remember the times when calling a friend wrong, and apologising wasn't so hard. i remember the times when i didn't have to think a thousand times what to say when, whether it has any unsaid evil implications or whether it would hurt someone's emotions, simply because you know afterall you would be understood. the comments were existant then too, jus that i didn't feel the tinge of hatred and anger in them. when someone speaks, is it the real person, or the halo of the someone floating over the person's head? it's difficult to make out, even if you are a adroit examiner of human minds. the most irritating part is the thought that comes to my mind when i ask someone's help.am i being manipulative?am i doing all this just because he is of use to me right now? because i can see that happening around me!!! thinking....thinking...thinking....what the f***!! have i no other job to do? is this really f***ing worth it? so, these feelings die away enroute and in this infinite cycle, here is the moment of feeling lost and drowning in ecstasy. happiness is the only indespensable part of life. the rest can go to hell!!!

being single...

as da breeze of freash air pamper n kiss ma face i almost feel the benign presence of warmth around me, a credence of hope, ecstacy in my mind n a benevolent spirit yearnin to b free! i c faces, known n unknown go pass me, sm ahead n sm behind, bt m fyn wid myself n few ppl around me, helpin me feelin ME. i am not alone. smtyms, in the macrocosm of lunatic voices around, one fails to notice da concerning yells of the heart n wen dat happens, at the end of the road one finds darkness n confusion ahead n so gives up! but dats nt the way m feelin ryt nw. m all 2 wise fr dat. so, as i sit bak to wonder wat has made the difference, among all da blurring thots, da one dat seems pellucid s dat i am single. yeah, dats wat i said, i am f***ing SINGLE, baibey!

hey, don get me wrong. all dose charming definitions of luv u give me...m fyn wid dat. n also, dis doesn tk way any wisdom from da fact dat luv s life, dat luv changes u, me, everybdy, dat wid luv u truely understand da virtue of happiness, gives a sholder 2 cry, company to laf, blah blah...

i don possess da merit to belittle nebdy bt surely, do hav da courage n will 2 elucidate wat i believe. SINGLE- doesn onle mean bein a philander ogling at the gal in white t n blue jeans showin off her curves n a cute face wid long hairs, standin next to u, den flirtin wid her, okay if she falls for da trap, else havin wild dreams of her n searchin fr a new gal nxt de. no, dat's not dat. its much more dan dat. its abt da freedom. u don need to care fr nebdy, please nebdy, answer nebdy or hide nething. one fine mornin, i yelled at my own mom cuz she tried to belittle my romantic feelings. i hv seen dad's eyes of concern, distrust n confusion. n no matter hw good a son i try to b today, i cn neva change dose des. perhaps, dose des wre the impetus of change- change fr good. today, its altogeder a different scene. its lyk once bit, one hundered n one tyms shy. all dat matters s dat u'r happy. u wake up every morning, experimenting wid yrself, trying smthing new, not thinkin abt wat ne1 wud say. ur all for yrself. if u cant guarentee dat u ll b happy n b responsible fr wat u did everytym, hw can u make oders happy or tk da responsibility of sm1 else? n neways, hw can u nt get bored of seeing da same gal ova n ova again,everyde....Imagine! i c ppl carrying a tag in deir forehead, falling fr deir juggling thots of novice luv, makin a mess of things n losin deir rational mind....n i kinda feel pity fr dem. no, i don believe dat m not vulnerable myself. sm evenings wen things don go ryt, i sit wid my frenx tokin abt hw i wished i hd sm1 special to share my feelings, my joys, my sorrows, my achievements n my embarressments. bt few minutes l8r, i realise dat i ws doin jus dat. n dere r nt 1 bt many of dem.

well, m all 2 worthless at dis gals-department. i do a gaucherie of things, not knowing wat's on deir minds, wat to do wen, n wat de want to hear. so, i jus raise my hands n say," i give up!" Sigmund Frued once said," The best way n the only way to understand girls is by LISTENING to them." bt sigmund sir, dats again a problem, isn it? hehe...

m kinda homesick...

My shadow s way 2 fidgety, desperately yearnin 2 b free n smtyms annoyingly yells at me to shun my considerate n foolishly emotion-paralysed self. tym n again, i grab its ears n drag it bak to consciousness showin who's da boss around here! yet dis tym i wantd a cmpany n so askd hm 2 brng its ears closer so dat i cud tell hm smthng in secret. he does n den i whisper,"hey buddy, don tell dis to nebdy bt m kinda homesick!" a familiar voice answers me,"dude,dats 2 obvious.do u really believ v didn know?" i turn bak n c so many beautiful faces...frenx,family,relatives n many faces i didn even recoognise. am i dis naive at my privacy? doesn ne1 not noe dat m homesik? i felt embarressd. i yelld bak," don answer me bak, u nerds....grrh!!"

everytym wen m abt to go hm frm hostl frenx get me grounded n treat me lyk a baby born jus yesterde goin to cuddle up mommy in slo mo wen i reach hm lik dose old bollywood movies n lick lollypops sleepin on mommy's lap! suddenly dis makes me nostalgic. now as i sleep wid mom in da sm bed, i put my hands behind my head n resuscitate old kiddo des wen i used to sleep wid mom n dad. one leg stretchd to agra n oder kanyakumari, hands formin a viel to mommy's protruded belly,saliva makin da cushion wet n yawning as if angels demselves r embracing wid persian white peacock's feathers,least cared abt wat tomorrow brings...few minutes of mommy's aroma n da little kid s sleepin-dead!

bt dis moment nw,dis feeling i hv ryt nw, s smthng i perhaps cannot xplain. it smhw feels da same hw i did wen i missd home at hstl. am i missing hstl? v gossip,v complain, v curse,v abuse, v go on strike....on hstl food, water, rooms, electricity, da underconstruction building. v yell at our frenx wen room looks messed up, realising deep down dat no1 s no less responsible dan v ourselves, yell at bathrooms," abe saaley, undar naha hi raha hai ya aur kuch? ghar basana hai kya undar?", abuse silently while jus entering da loo flushing, 'dese filthy guys ll neva change! chi..." believ me, if u hv stayed in a hstl, u cn stay newhere. absolutely ANYWHERE!!!

bt all said n done, ders no bettr place dan a Hostel. seems wierd naa? i ll tell u y. or perhaps u noe it, dont u? FRIENX... its bcuz wen u sleep cuddling smbdy, u bcum a kiddo n da rest remains da sm. da legs, hands, sleeping-dead part, nt one changes. bcuz wen u cry, sm1 cries 2, bcuz wen u laf, u r neva da onle 1, no mattr hw foolish yr joke mayb, dose helpin hands, dose teasing, pleasing n all....every feeling wich onle a hostleite cn feel, cn understand. Hip hip hooray!!!

yeah it definitely makes sense, me missing smthing. surely, i missed home wen i ws at hstl. nw i am missing hstl wen i am home. or, is it dat m always missing home wen i am home. read home as home or home as hostel. its all da same!!!

i burn da languages to ashes...

i hav neva been a pigeon caged. ryt from ma birth i hav been a hell lotta places, seen a rainbow of ppl, been thru a summersaultin experiences of joy n disgust, played da part of a ametuer damning frivolous customs n da wisdom personified in making compromises, been in love n made sm amazin frenx. deres absolutely nothin more ne1 can aspire fr, in order to b wise while xperiencing new ppl. at da height of it all i was picked by ma tender legs n thrown away in da plc i am nw[hehe, no offence to da plc i am ryt nw]. n believ me if i cud b in such places m sure i wont mind stayin newhere in ma future.

one thing i hv learnt frm my experience so far s very crucial. i can sum it up in one line[ dat is if it fits..]in 2de's world, u jus cant tk a pic of a place n say dis s Orissa, or West bengal, or Mumbai. nothin or nobdy can represent a complete state or country. bt dis thot s wat s playin hide n seek in my mind. wen i c shiv sena in da news makin all da news n suddenly australia n pakistan n all da world s tain notice of dis shity crap herd of pigs[ thank god m nt a celebrity huh!!!] i feel hw meek n hapless v r. i am...

lucky r ppl who manage to b at deir birthplace fr a real long tym. fr me it was smthing i was tot since my birth to answer ma birthplc as bhilai,chattisgarh even tho as a sml kiddo i dn hv many memories in ma mind oder dan da moments de froze me n i gav a cute look at dose amazingly weird lenses. learnt telegu in vishakapatnam widout havin it as my course subject, learnt bengali as a course subject wich i struggled crawlin past da pass mark, learnt pure hindi in bokaro. well mumbai didn teach me ne language bt it did teach me so many oder things n nw dat i am in durgapur i realize da world s aftrall round!

few des bak i went to restaurant to order fr sm dish. confident dat i still hv da touch of da xquisite bengali i had durin dose 7 long years in durgapur in da past[ even did a bengali drama in a live stage!!! oh, who says being proud s a crime!!! chuk it, i am!] i opened ma mouth to speak. lik sm1 had pushed tar dowm my throught, i felt choked. i babbles smthin in bengali. da gracious person understood bt it was den i realized hw things change.few more des here n i wud mess ma little bit oriya i hav learnt in one year. ppl feel m a oriya-wannabe goddammit.hehe....wen i used to mingle sambalpuri oriya in hmm...[wat do i call dis oriya den!!! ok..if dis s pure oriya i mingle it wid sambalpuri oriya i speak at hm], smiles flashed wide in da faces around me. i felt cute to makin oders smile, i felt abused at my orientation, i felt as a martyr fightin languages...

well as fr me i wud make do wid english, hindi n cruked versions of few languages[ few des n ll master it n u cn dare me at dis!] bt dis s nt da issue. da issue s abt da pre-conceived notion in few ametuer minds abt da validity of a person in a state based on da languages he/she noes. hw far can v blame parties lik shiv sena if v dn hav strong principles ourselves. i noe ma words dn mean a thing bt i hv been welcm wid open arms whereva i hv gone bt it sure s jus a person's experiences. dere r many more!!! n things r changing...wen hv v eva seen debates on languages aftr da partition. v jus cant club all ppl in one n say de r so-n-so.

a special thanx here to all da amazing ppl i hv encountered in da past n toleratin my hybrid forms of deir mothertongue wid a smile. bt frankly i wish ma oriya doesn improve ne more dan wat s imperative cuz i don wanna be a jack of all languages n den, more importantly hp u ll rem'ber me fr da hybrid forms i spoke ryt?

why is moon sobing?

it was a news as wierd as snails jumping, as winnin of indian cricket team, as salman khan gettin married or pehaps as studies in hostel....ok dats enuf nw i guess!!hehe...wat i was talkin abt is the trace of water dat our very own ISRO's Chandrayaan got durin its lunar expedition. jus few des aftr all India held a candle mourning the early demise of the first indian lunar mission and questioning the reasons behind it, India became the first nation even b4 NASA to prove a possibility of human existance on moon. it sounds gr8 doesn it? but hav v eva imagined y it has bcum so indespensable to divorce our own planet to take respite at sm oder land? it sounds all so obsolete talking about helping Earth live, bt can v jus let it be? vilify her, trivialize her, run her down, bt Mother Earth is perhaps yelling foul at us. if moon had life, she wud hav surely had tears trikling down her cheeks swearing her bad luk. couldnt dese jerks noe abt it some years later? dese humans can gab about how beautiful i am onle bcuz m so far away. fr dese nerds, its " wateva!!" deir romance can twist n turn about bringin some oder planet down to deir land jus fr da fake sake of deir ummmua-girl but cant i be left alone? "chand mein daag" wudn b a distant imagination in a few decades. believe me, it wud not b nething near to that!!!

so wat can v do? nothin if u say, everything if u say. being righteous s wat ppl say a herculean task bt nothing comes widout a cost. if ders ne reason fr our existance on this planet, its this!!! and talkin abt consequences, neways u jus hav 2 options- dying here on earth or dying there on moon. can v jus show da nexgen how beautiful our Earth is?

hOsTel lYf...

it's fun to shut away the wise-say about relations & noble words lik "Motivation", "Learning" n "Personality" dat da OB mam babbles along in her self-authoritive symphony. nebdy who tries to endorse wat she says abt her lessons of lyf(or,wateva it is!) is tagged shruggingly as a "loner"! i still rem'ber us talkin crap abt Motivation in organisations n arguing wat s hypocritically believed. in the end of the story, v totally manipulated the very meaning of it.

and it is onle an instance of the entire theory. given da oppurtunity, i wud neva whisk away a chance to call relations fake n all its rudiments a mere falacy. hav v lost the touch? da very feeling of caring fr sm1, trusting sm1, loving sm1...one page of "Alchemist" states dat if a real alchemist is cornered by sm dacoits n asked to giv away all he has, and da alchemist shows a stone n a bottle of blue liquid calling it the "The Phillosopher's Stone" n "The Elixir of Life", the dacoits laughed it away n let him go thinkin him to b as pathetic as them. A genuine help is scrutinised as to wat its "different angle" may b. suddenly, austerity seems fake.

Hostel lyf s all 2 casual n frivolous to consider da heavy ideologies of lyf. it nullifies all da shit u learnt since u wre a kiddo in skul and teaches new principles wich r 2 complicated to think abt. u learn da true meanin of frenship n i heard dis tag frm a very noble person[excuse me?]..." it's U versus every1 else!" crackin jokes n playin pranks in hostel s jus abt everyde business. its nothing heartfelt stuff, bt a wierd urge to rack our brains into illogical imaginations. reality s miles away, bt really, who cares? alls fine, until it can fuck time away, trying to brush away da nothingness of a hostel lyf. it's da transformed personality fr dat very moment. the trick in da tale s dat hw u cn manage dese multiple personalities.then, one de u decide dat u gotta change,lik a drastic step....turn ova a new leaf from dis de n dat all dat happened was an good-bad past. wat amazes me s how fast dis cycle repeats itself!!!

wat say abt our desi lingo...simple language s passe^ n the more complicated jargon,da bettr! Swearin snt hideous smtimes. fr yr trivia jus chek out- "mandu">a gal bcums "mandu" fr her looks n aura even b4 da guy talks to her. had de been all fr real, it wud hav been easily the breedin ground fr Ekta Kapoor's soaps. n anoder s "nungu"> a guy talks to a gal fr a gud 15 mins in isolation n "nungu" s a word dat he can't even find in a dictionery!

neways m hm n it feels different. earlier it was home where i felt curbed n hostel a free lyf bt nw...i feel jus da opposite. dunno y...

high tym v hav a Sach ka Saamna...

The Polygraph or the allegedly called lie-detector test is basically a combination of medical devices that are used to monitor changes occurring in the body. As a person is questioned about a certain event or incident, the examiner looks to see how the person's heart rate, blood pressure, respiratory rate and electro-dermal activity (sweatiness, in this case of the fingers) change in comparison to normal levels. Fluctuations may indicate that person is being deceptive. Spies are probably the world's best liars, because they have to be, but most of us practice deception on some level in our daily lives, even if it's just telling a friend that his horrible haircut "doesn't look that bad." the trained examiner, who is sometimes called a forensic psychophysiologist (FP) monitors three essential biological parameters-Respiratory rate, Blood pressure/heart rate, Galvanic skin resistance (GSR)[sweat in the body]. The actual exam is given. The examiner asks 10 or 11 questions, only three of four of which are relevant to the issue or crime being investigated. The other questions are control questions. A control question is a very general question, such as "Have you ever stolen anything in your life?"

Detractors of the polygraph call lie detection a voodoo science, saying that polygraphs are no more accurate at detecting lies than the flip of a coin. "Despite claims of 'lie detector' examiners, there is no machine that can detect lies," reads a statement from the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU). "The 'lie detector' does not measure truth-telling; it measures changes in blood pressure, breath rate and perspiration rate, but those physiological changes can be triggered by a wide range of emotions." To counter the polygraph test is as easy as developing a breathing strategy, thinking about something frightening/exciting, biting your tongue to have the blood flowing upwards, inserting a nail at the toe-end of your shoes and contracting your anal sphincter muscle when a control question is asked during the examination.

After Samajwadi Party MP Kamal Akhtar and some BJP supporters raised in Parliament that Star Plus' reality show Sach Ka Saamna should be banned because it is encouraging vulgarity, embarrassing family audiences and destroying Indian culture, the Information and Broadcast ministry sent a legal notice to the channel, asking them to defend the show. Which brings to the fore a burning question: Are we as a society still scared to talk openly about certain supposedly 'taboo' issues that most people face in their everyday lives? And is doing that going to destroy Indian culture?

Our culture is so diverse and there are so many facets. But everything gets politicised without understanding this.There are shows we don't like. Why do we have to ban something if we don't approve of it? if it were so, many if not all the men would first scoul over banning the daily soaps or the parents would have a wicked smile in their faces when they ban their adolescent son's favorite ftv "latenight haute" shows. The format of the show is such that questions are bound to be extremely personal. So does the family audience cringe when Vinod Kambli is asked if he has cheated on his wife or when Urvashi Dholakia is asked if she was asked to leave school because she was pregnant? If so, then why are they watching the show at all? Whoever is coming on the show knows exactly what they are doing. And people watch these shows because humans have a vicarious psychology.

Personally, i don mind watching the show if i don have any more intriguing things at the same hour. Who cares if someone s a henpecked husband or feels humiliated if his sister marries someone from other religion. It's their problem, not mine. In all the questions, we miss the advertisements cuz v skip onto some other channel in the meantime. So the channel is earning, maybe the pitiable jerk giving the "agnee pariksha" is earning[ it seems he is being given lollipop when he is asked, "kya aap agle sawaal mein jaana chahte hain?" n he saying with a wry smile,"haan"], so what? Cumon ppl, can we grow up now!!!

Gosh,dis one is for u...

"We are going to shirdi dis saturde!" dad announced as he came from office one evening. i was busy watching tom n jerry n it was onle aftr he said it fr da second tym did i giv a wats-so-exciting-abt-it look to him. i had heard b4 abt da plannin of going fr once-in-a-lifetym xperience to da sai baba temple at shirdi dat week. perhaps dad xpected it, so he went inside to tell mom abt it. i had a coaching class on sunde n i had told mom dat m nt interested. onle i did noe dat it was a pathetic xcuse!!!! bt after mom's assiduous braggin aftr a family trip n her phillipics abt hw lazy i had bcum, i ws inevitably ready to go. i knew dere wud hardly b nething memorable abt it oder dan sleeping in a diff bed oder dan mine!!!!

Dad,mom,di n maself alongwid a driver startd off late afternoon wid our stuffs including a pair of dress fr a day,sm eatables,sm toilet stuffs n oder mommy's few stuffs. v hoped to reach shirdi dat evening n plan out our next de abt visiting da famous[i havta confess i hadn heard abt it b4] signapur[lord shani temple] n trembakeshwar temple[a twelve shivlinga ancient temple near nasik]. v started off jovially taking da mumbai-pune xpress highway in da way n in da midway v planned to take da way to signapur.dat meant perhaps v wud b in a hotel late night in shirdi. Signapur s all abt a sacred rock dat fell from da sky n people believe it resembles lord shani. houses here don hav a door or a window cuz people believe dat nobody steals nething fr da fear of lord shani. eventho v did find sm doors, we reasoned it more so fr privacy!!! i did hav a quesn tho, "arent dere ne banks down here?" i realized it was a foolish quesn even b4 i got ma answer. v bought da puja stuffs n gav a person in red dhoti to pour oil on da sacred rock, n den v wre off. wen v reached shirdi it ws 12.00 midnite. aftr chekin da shirdi trust lodge wich wre full booked n sm 4-bed rooms v atlast brought aur baggages to a room as big as ma studyroom. mom was fascinated at da prospect of buying a plot out here n givin rooms to gullible tourists lik v wre den in rent at 500 bucks a nite. it was nite 1'o clock wen v went in search fr our dinner. people told us to run b4 da hotels close down n v had to do xactly dat,running helter-skelter from one hotel to oder. v ended up sitting alongside a street stalls n eating pav-bhaaji. a renouned scholar once said, a person can sleep wid snake-bitten bt not hungry. i alone ate 7-8 pavs. jus wen all dat v wre thinkin abt was a gud nite sleep to wake up fresh early mornin fr da 5 am aarti in da temple, da thelewalaa told us dat ppl may hav already started standin in line fr da aarti. mom n di wre absolutely freaked out. it ws jus 1.30 in da morning, if atall u call dat so!!! yet dad was stern on attending da aarti. he said, "v hav cum here not to sleep. c...rnt v lucky enuf to get a room n den to eat stomach-full late in dis nite?lets get fresh n move out."

so after wettin ourselves in da room's bathroom, wid heavy weight tied down on aur eyes v set out fr da temple. i saw di sleep on ma shoulder,mom hanging sideways fr a short nap n dad using up dis tym to finish up his daily routine of reading hanuman chalisa while on da line. as fr me, i was busy appreciatin maself at keepin ma eyes wide open n helpin di on ma shoulder. i m a hostelite aftrall!!! every min seemed lik an hour fightin wid sleep. at nearabt 4 am ppl wre allowed to enter da hall of da temple. me n dad wre togeder n wre lucky enuf to b in da hall jus wen da aarti commensed. it was easy to fall prey to da charm of da holistic,spiritual n pure atmosphere of da hall. it was huge. atleast more dan 750 lucky ppl wre dere in da hall. wen da slokas started in da LCD screens, all da energy dipped. while majorly following da slokas, eyes wre givin up to sleep, searchin fr watch once every few minutes n scannin da faces in da vicinity jus to get sm condolance. it went on for 20-30 min. after da close darshan of da sai baba, v wre done wid it. amazingly,sai baba used to pray in a masjid yet he neva believed in religion, poor yet neva stoppd begging, simple man yet neva stopped enlightenin everyone with his sheer benevolence n heavenly blessings. he knew wen,where n how he was gonna die.

ven v reached Trembakeshwar Temple, it was 3 pm on sunde. after standin in da line fr nearly 2 hours, again i was destined to enter da temple hall wid dad. dis s where ma tour bcame memorable. u c our family s a brahmin,orthodox,spiritual n hugely superstitious one. ma dad doesn do a thing widout da consent of god.wen nething goes unplanned he blames himself not being worthy of god's blessings. wen smthing goes rite he thanx god fr being so kind. unlike ne1 in ma family, to let go of all pride, to surrender your soul to god n to sit bak n let da good god rule ova da proceedings s an alien idea to me. unquestionably m athiest n i do believ dat nothing in dis world s possible widout god's blessings. yet m a person who wud perhaps forget to say da gayatri mantra eleven tyms for finishing up a small portion left ova in da dying minutes to xam, feel lazy wen told to giv evening prayer wich mom does everyde, perversely ignore dad's unending wise talks abt god, giv a damn to da shaliks i saw in ma way to xam or abash someone who stands in da road waiting fr me to walk da road where a black cat jus crossed ova!!! i believe in da genuinity in da person within no matter wat. i maself don sit n pray everyde,mayb twice,thrice or more in a week. i do rem'ber god wen i feel lonely, unconfident or in trouble. bt i prefer praising maself fr pulling off smthing dan showerin all da credit to god!!!

dats y wen i was in da temple hall i lowered ma head n prayed fr a long tym out dere,i felt smthing i neva did. wen dad told me to surrender everything out dere n beg fr mercy fr all da sins i did, i realized everybody must b appreciated as to how he sees god n how he want god to help him. i wud always feel wierd wen dad talks wid me dis way but i noe m a believer n dats all dat matters. i wud always question god's existance wid ma frenx n scientific reasoning to da rituals, bt deep within i m all yours!!!!

in da way bak, v saw sm fantabulous landscapes n i saw everybody dozing off, yet i loved every moment of da ride wide-eyed. yet now m about to doze off!!!

say,"Good night!!!" may god bless all living being on dis planet n show all a bright,prosperous n delightful morning. Amen!!!!